I'll Stay - The Heart of a Camp Counselor

Eleven years ago I was a Junior in College. And I was in contact with a camper I had during the summer. This often happens, especially with older campers. They continue to reach out and want the connections they made during the summer. This particular connection climaxed in October in the middle of the school year when it became clear that her life was no longer safe to live and she was done. No one is truly equipped for these moments, especially not a college student, but this was a moment I was called to in my dorm room in the midst of my busy college life I was called to be the one who would make the call so that she could live. Wednesday, she turned 24! God is good!

There have been many defining moments in my ministry career and many defining names that I will never forget, but the one that always seems to be the biggest is this one. That moment when I was called out of everything that was comfortable in my life to help, to be present, to listen to a young soul that was crying out for help. If I look back over the past 12 years of my life, since I entered into ministry as a camp counselor I can't count for you the times when someone has reached out and needed something from me that I knew I didn't have! And yet, I had it at that moment, when they needed it. At different times, this has created an ego in me, or the thought that I am really good at this! But as I look back I can't take credit for any of it, I'm not the one with the magical rainbow created from the rain of the situation. The reality is I'm a vessel. 12 years ago when I said yes to being a camp counselor I joined a club of people who are trained and inundated with opportunities to be vessels for God.

Now I spend a lot of my time in an office, planning and dreaming of the opportunities that the next batch of Horizon counselors will have to be vessels. In this season when we haven't had a camp for over a year, it has been seven months since the counselors gathered together, it is really easy to forget what we are doing here. God speaks to me loudly through music, and this week this song seems to be one of the loudest. The words in this song are exactly what Camp Counselors do. They don't move mountains or make miracles happen. They are present, they are here, they take the moments that campers need to be real. And in these moments when young souls need a clear beacon of God's love, their counselors become this, merely by being there! That truly is the magic of camp, this is what we do here. We stay! We are present! We are vessels for God! This is camp! This is what you sign your campers up for, and what the counselors keep coming back for. The moments when we get to stay, to stand, or sit with people in the moments that don't make sense. This truly is at the heart of a camp counselor. 

It's hard to find the words sometimes
It's hard to write a pretty rhyme
When all I hear is a symphony
Of things that don't make sense to me
"Everything will be okay"
Sounds like an empty phrase
When I can't say anything
That takes the weight of everything
I can't make a rainbow out of rain
I can't write a song to heal the pain
But I'll be standing here while the world turns away
I won't pretend like I can save the day
Say the words to make it all okay
But while the world turns away
I'll stay, I'll stay
You're stuck with all the "could have beens"
The worst is playing in your head
And every doubt is echoing
And it feels like no one's listening
But I'm listening
And I can't make a rainbow out of rain
I can't write a song to heal the pain
But I'll be standing here while the world turns away
I won't pretend like I can save the day
Say the words to make it all okay
But while the world turns away
I'll stay, I'll stay
When it all comes crashing down
Breaking down, you hit the ground
I'll be the one
If it feels like there is no defense
Life can hurt and make no sense
But I'll be forever here, here...
I won't pretend like I can save the day
Say the words to make it all okay
While the world turns away
I'll stay, I'll stay
I'll stay, I'll stay

I'll Stay - Riley Clemmons

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